Reciprocity ledger template
A small piece of paper, a spreadsheet, or a Notion table: whatever lives in front of you most often. Five columns, half a minute per entry, and you stop being the person who forgets what they promised.
The five columns
| Who | What | When | Status | Last nudge |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Marina Mahathir | Send intro deck for her advisor she mentioned | Promised Apr 2 | Owed by me | Apr 9 (her ping) |
| Greg Walker | Quarterly catch-up call | Said within 30 days, May 1 | Owed by me | Apr 23 |
| Kevin Rudd | Forward note from his policy paper | Asked Mar 18 | Owed to me | Mar 30 |
How to use it
- Log promises within 24 hours.The ledger only works if it’s up to date. If you wait a week to write things down, you’ll forget half of them.
- Make the “when” concrete. “Soon” is not a date. Either commit to a specific week or write “TBD by [date]” with a date you’ll force yourself to commit by.
- Review weekly.Pick a recurring time (Sunday evening works for most people) and sweep the ledger. Anything past its when-date gets acted on or rescheduled with the other person’s permission.
- Settle once a quarter.Once every 90 days, look at the ratio of “owed by me” to “owed to me.” If you’re taking from a relationship consistently, repay. If you’re giving consistently, you’ve probably built relational equity worth a real ask.
Three formats: pick whichever you’ll actually open
Google Sheets
Pre-built sheet with the five columns, dropdown for status, and a conditional-format that highlights rows past their when-date.
Email [email protected] and we’ll send you a copy-and-edit link.
Notion
Database template with the same five properties, plus a “this week” filtered view that shows only items due in the next 7 days.
Email [email protected] and we’ll send you a duplicate-to-workspace link.
Markdown (plain text)
A simple .md file that works in Obsidian, Logseq, or any text editor. One block per entry.
Sample below; copy it into a new file.
The plain-Markdown version
## Owed by me
- [ ] Marina Mahathir · Send intro deck for her advisor
promised: 2026-04-02
status: open
last nudge: 2026-04-09 (her ping)
- [ ] Greg Walker · Quarterly catch-up call
promised: within 30 days, by 2026-05-01
status: open
last nudge: 2026-04-23
## Owed to me
- [ ] Kevin Rudd · Forward note from his policy paper
asked: 2026-03-18
status: nudged 2026-03-30, still waiting
## Settled this quarter
- [x] Anna Salinas · Coffee intro to Series A founder
closed 2026-03-12, she met them 2026-03-22Why this exists
The cost of a forgotten promise is never the promise itself. It’s the relationship erosion that accumulates when the other person remembers and you don’t. People are forgiving once. They’re less forgiving the third time. Most professional relationships break in slow motion: not from a single bad moment, but from a series of small ones the other person notices and you don’t.
A ledger turns that risk into a list. Lists you can handle.